Wiki describes binge eating disorder as an eating disorder characterized by binge eating without subsequent purging episodes.
When you have binge eating disorder, anything can cause a binge. Some individuals are triggered by stress, some happiness, others everything. I fall into that everything category.
I get a new job, I binge.
I get into an argument with Seamus, I binge.
I forgot my lunch, I binge.
For me, there is no rhyme or reason to what might trigger a binge, it happens so frequently, that I could probably say living life can cause a binge. I wish it were a simple point in my life that caused me to fly off the rails, because I would simply work to cut that out, but it is literally anything…good or bad.
Since so much of my life consists of food, what I’m going to eat and when I’m going to eat it, I have maximized my ability to hide what I’ve eaten. I’m not bragging. I wish this weren’t the case, but I have come up with every scenario you can think of to ensure that as few people know about my food choices as possible (that is until now).
When Seamus and I first started dating he didn’t know I dealt with this, heck he didn’t know how severe this was until over just last year. Every once in awhile he’d find receipts that I had forgotten to hide or throw out, and he’d comment on what was purchased. I’d always pass it off as a one time thing, or that I only did that for special occasions. Never EVER admitting what was really happening, until one day I just needed to come clean with how bad things really were. Whether it bothers Seamus or not, I have no idea. He is nothing but supportive, and there has never been a time that I’ve felt judgement. For this I am thankful, I don’t think I could have come clean here, or even to him without that constant support.
I mentioned earlier that I am an expert at hiding what I’ve eaten, and the subsequent trash. Trust me, none of my examples are rocket science, but it has kept so many people in my life in the dark until my admission on Baby Doodah! Here’s an example: I’m on my way home, I just left work and am feeling like a coffee. I’ll swing through Tim Horton’s, and order any number of things, along with my coffee. I’ll eat everything I ordered and then either hide the trash below the driver’s seat in my car, or I’ll put it in my work bag and throw it out once I arrive at work the next morning. I get home with just my coffee, and no one is the wiser.
I am not proud, it’s actually the opposite, I am ashamed. It has taken me awhile to write out this post because I wasn’t sure how deep into the details I wanted to get, but since I’ve put so much out there already, I figured why stop now. I want to share who I truly am, in hopes that it will help someone else who is struggling with binge eating disorder, as I am.
In case you’ve missed them, here are my other two posts on the binge eating disorder struggle. My Admission and Coming Clean on the Amounts of Food that I Eat.
If you have struggled or are currently struggling with Binge Eating Disorder, I would love to hear from you either in the comments below, or feel free to email me. My address is in the Contact Me! section of the blog.
Be sure to stop over and visit Jen at Peas and Crayons!