This post has been the hardest to write, I have so many wonderful memories from the beginning of Emmett’s life and those stand out the most but there were plenty of tough moments too and since the whole point of my blog is to share EVERYTHING, I need to be honest and share the negative because it wasn’t all roses.
Emmett was a tough baby in the beginning, I’ve shared with you in previous posts the difficulty we had with breastfeeding, so you’re aware of some of the troubles we faced. Well those only continued into his days at home. We did pretty well at getting the hang of nursing but he was just such an emotional baby. He needed constant attention, needing to be moved, carried or entertained almost constantly. There isn’t a single moment I regret, but we really struggled.
This was also around the time when my “baby blues” kicked in (around 5 days after birth). I hate the term baby blues because it is so inaccurate, it almost downplays the emotion you feel. I didn’t have postpartum depression but it was worse than just being a little blue. I was downright sad! Everything made me cry. One of my more vivid memories from those first few days was sitting in Emmett’s nursery with him eating and me crying because I was so sad that he would only be this little for such a short amount of time and then crying because I knew that as he grew up he’d be easier to care for and things wouldn’t be as tough as they were at that moment and I couldn’t decide which I wanted. It was a vicious circle and I went around and around.
This was also around the time when people wanted to come visit, this might have been hardest of all. I didn’t want to see anyone but Seamus or Emmett, I was an emotional mess and just wanted to be with my family but was almost obligated to see people. When people were visiting they expected me to be happy and excited about life and my new baby and while I was thrilled to have Emmett I wasn’t exactly high on life. I couldn’t shake the funk and having to make conversation or act enthusiastic about gifts was probably the hardest thing I had to do.
Anyone who reads this blog, who came to visit, I want you to know that I appreciate you and the time you took to spend with us. My goal in sharing my feelings isn’t to offend but to help others understand the real emotions that come with having a baby. It certainly wasn’t that I didn’t want you there but in that moment being around people was overwhelming.
Through all of this Seamus was my rock. I truly do not know what I would have done if he wasn’t the one who I had chosen to spend my life with and have a child with. I was experiencing so many different emotions and when I would share with him what I was going through, he never once judged me, he was always full of reassurance or just held me while I cried. He is an amazing, caring man and I am so thankful he came into my life.
Around 10 to 15 days postpartum things started to turn around. My mood lifted, ever so slightly and doing normal day to day things (like showering) didn’t seem so difficult any more. My emotions were definitely still on a pendulum and I’d have really low days and then really high days but slowly the really high days became more and more plentiful. As Seamus and I continued to adjust, things got easier and easier and eventually Emmett became an (intense) happy baby
The purpose for me writing this is because I’m sure there are new moms out there who were like me and didn’t know what to expect after the baby was born. And I’m sure there are women who had no idea that keeping their emotions in check would be more difficult than caring for a newborn baby. This part of the birthing experience isn’t so frequently shared which leads people (like myself) to have no idea what to expect, which I find to be unfair. I want to help someone’s transition from non-mother to mother be just a touch easier, if possible.