Tag Archives: postpartum depression

Things to Remember About Toddler Emmett

Posted on February 10 by Jillian416 • 2 Comments

I’ve always wanted to be a mom!

Ever since I can remember, I loved playing house, and pretending I had all the babies. I loved holding them, and nuturing them. It was one of my favorite activities as a child (my other, was playing school, in case you were wondering). So when I found out I was pregnant with Emmett, I was more then excited, my life felt like it would finally have a purpose.

However, when Emmett was first born, things didn’t start out as I had envisioned. I went through some serious Postpartum Depression. 🙁 (More details on this linked at the bottom of the post) Looking back, I wish I had asked for help… I knew I was struggling, I just did nothing to fix myself. So, he and I didn’t get off to the best of starts – I cared for him, breastfed him, did everything I could to keep him safe, but it took a few weeks for the deep love I feel for him now to bloom and blossom.

Anyway, the reason that I mention all of this is because I have now realized how fleeting time with him, this little, is. So, I decided to write a post, with 35 things I never want to forget about Emmett.

35 Things I Never Want to Forget About Toddler Emmett

The way you will stop what you’re doing, to look up at me and say, “I love you SOOO much, momma!” It makes my heart melt every single time.
The way you and I can just look at each other, and start giggling over nothing at all.
The way you curl up close when you’re watching TV.
The way you will lay down with your head on my lap, when you’re tired after school.
The way you look in your winter hats.
The way you look back at me from the back seat of the car. You have a half smile on your face, and a half, “stop looking at me mommy” face.
The way you run to me when I pick you up from day care.
The way you get so sad when I leave the room for even just a few minutes. (Going potty alone? No way!)
The way you hug. You give the tightest, strongest hugs, and they feel so good.
The way just seeing you can wipe a full stressful day right out of my mind.
The way you need to bring a hot wheels car with you almost everywhere we go.
The way you suck on your binkie. I know we’ll need to get you to give it up soon, but you look so sweet when you have it.
The way you always need to have “green nigh-nigh” with you at all times.
The way you want to help and truly interested in everything that I’m doing.
The way you just *need* to wiggle your dupa (butt) before you get into the tubby each night.
The way you forgive. If I snap at you because I’m stressed, and you’re getting into things – a simple apology from me and a hug, makes it all go away.
The way you explore with all of your food. It makes a mess, and can be frustrating, but I never want to forget what it’s like.
The way you mimic me in movements, and sometimes in words (though, I hope you leave the swear words out of it). lol
The way you love your day care teachers. You hug them each morning, I love that you are so happy there!
The way you run to me when you get scared and need comfort.
The way you’ll reach for my hand when you’re walking or going downstairs. I love how fully you trust me!
The way you love your daddy. As much as you love me, you love your father, too. You always want to do things with him, build lego buildings, or help him cook. It warms my heart to see the bond you two have.
The way you look when you’re sleeping – All curled up in your blankets.
The way you love building a “house” out of your blankets and your crib.
The way you are curious about everything.
The way we have to read 4 bed time stories each night.
The way you love stickers. Every time you get new ones, you have to use them all, and stick them all to yourself (or mommy). 🙂
The way you were fearful of the snow at the beginning of winter 2014.
The way you NEVER give-up. You will keep trying over and over again, even if it isn’t working or you can’t figure something out.
The way you need to lay your “green nigh night” on everything – your stool, the table, your little desk, everything.
The way you count. You can get to 20 pretty well, and only stumble if you’re not really paying attention.
The way you know that green means go and read means stop with a traffic light, and will direct me when to go or stop.
The way you were so in love with our Christmas tree, and when we took it to the street, watched for it everyday, until the garbage men took it away.
The way you always want a bite of what I’m eating (doesn’t matter what it is).
The way when you get in trouble at dinner, for playing with your food, or spitting out milk, you start singing this, Mommy and Daddy and Emmett song you made up. It’s adorable, and you have a dance!

He’s the best! Every single thing he does, even when he’s getting into trouble amazes me. I had NO idea how much I could love someone, until I had Emmett. I’m sad that he won’t stay little forever (he’s so much fun right now), but I am so excited to experience life with him.

I love you, Emmett!!

Emmett’s First Days

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Filed Under: Family

Emmett’s First Days – 4

Posted on November 27 by Jillian416 • 1 Comment

This post has been the hardest to write, I have so many wonderful memories from the beginning of Emmett’s life and those stand out the most but there were plenty of tough moments too and since the whole point of my blog is to share EVERYTHING, I need to be honest and share the negative because it wasn’t all roses.

Emmett was a tough baby in the beginning, I’ve shared with you in previous posts the difficulty we had with breastfeeding, so you’re aware of some of the troubles we faced. Well those only continued into his days at home. We did pretty well at getting the hang of nursing but he was just such an emotional baby. He needed constant attention, needing to be moved, carried or entertained almost constantly. There isn’t a single moment I regret, but we really struggled.

This was also around the time when my “baby blues” kicked in (around 5 days after birth). I hate the term baby blues because it is so inaccurate, it almost downplays the emotion you feel. I didn’t have postpartum depression but it was worse than just being a little blue. I was downright sad! Everything made me cry. One of my more vivid memories from those first few days was sitting in Emmett’s nursery with him eating and me crying because I was so sad that he would only be this little for such a short amount of time and then crying because I knew that as he grew up he’d be easier to care for and things wouldn’t be as tough as they were at that moment and I couldn’t decide which I wanted. It was a vicious circle and I went around and around.

This was also around the time when people wanted to come visit, this might have been hardest of all. I didn’t want to see anyone but Seamus or Emmett, I was an emotional mess and just wanted to be with my family but was almost obligated to see people. When people were visiting they expected me to be happy and excited about life and my new baby and while I was thrilled to have Emmett I wasn’t exactly high on life. I couldn’t shake the funk and having to make conversation or act enthusiastic about gifts was probably the hardest thing I had to do.

Anyone who reads this blog, who came to visit, I want you to know that I appreciate you and the time you took to spend with us. My goal in sharing my feelings isn’t to offend but to help others understand the real emotions that come with having a baby. It certainly wasn’t that I didn’t want you there but in that moment being around people was overwhelming.

Through all of this Seamus was my rock. I truly do not know what I would have done if he wasn’t the one who I had chosen to spend my life with and have a child with. I was experiencing so many different emotions and when I would share with him what I was going through, he never once judged me, he was always full of reassurance or just held me while I cried. He is an amazing, caring man and I am so thankful he came into my life.

Around 10 to 15 days postpartum things started to turn around. My mood lifted, ever so slightly and doing normal day to day things (like showering) didn’t seem so difficult any more. My emotions were definitely still on a pendulum and I’d have really low days and then really high days but slowly the really high days became more and more plentiful. As Seamus and I continued to adjust, things got easier and easier and eventually Emmett became an (intense) happy baby

The purpose for me writing this is because I’m sure there are new moms out there who were like me and didn’t know what to expect after the baby was born. And I’m sure there are women who had no idea that keeping their emotions in check would be more difficult than caring for a newborn baby. This part of the birthing experience isn’t so frequently shared which leads people (like myself) to have no idea what to expect, which I find to be unfair. I want to help someone’s transition from non-mother to mother be just a touch easier, if possible.

In case you missed them, Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

Filed Under: Emmett