Tag Archives: help

What Does Binge Eating Disorder Look Like?

It’s What I Ate Wednesday, and it’s been awhile since I’ve checked in with all of you on how my Binge Eating Disorder has been. I thought I’d take today to do that.


If you went by the pictures I took today, my eating would appear to be in check. Seamus made me a yummy egg sandwich on a GF muffin, and I had a banana. Sadly, I didn’t stop there – as soon as Seamus and Emmett left, I jumped to the fridge and ate two slices of pizza. They were delicious, and I regretted them the second I started eating them, but as usual, I felt out of control and didn’t know how to stop myself. I polished off the two pieces and continued my self-hatred until I got into the office, where I was quickly distracted by work.


The distraction kept me occupied for a couple of hours, because I didn’t think about food until lunch time came around and I started smelling everyone’s delicious food (or not so delicious in the case of some frozen meals). Either way, the second I started smelling the food smells, all I could think about is food. A sub, to be exact, heavy on the onion and mayo. I got through a few more work things, and then I rushed out the door. I grabbed a turkey sub from Subway and headed home to sit on the couch and binge.

While I was sitting on the couch, I realized that I hadn’t gotten a picture of my food. Then, the thought popped into my head, “I wouldn’t want to have taken a picture. I don’t want anyone knowing what I am eating. I’ll just lie and say I had something healthy and that I forgot to grab a picture.” That was almost literally the thought that went through my head. And I almost did it, I almost lied to you, readers. But then, while I was bathing Emmett, I had a small epiphany… Maybe if I am honest and up-front with what I went through, it will help me overcome some binge eating issues, and it could possibly help someone else down the line, who may be struggling with the same thing.

When it came time to leave work, I had to fight a very strong urge to go to Starbucks and buy all the things. I managed, by a constant voice in my head saying, “Emmett’s in the car, Emmett’s in the car. You don’t want to be a bad role model for him.” I ended up with just a coffee, which is why I was going there anyway.


Dinner was easy because I was home with Seamus. I rarely binge when he’s around because I don’t want him to see me doing it. He knows, I’ve shared my struggles with him, but I don’t want him to see it. He probably wouldn’t judge me, but I don’t want to even take the risk, so I eat a normal amount and keep the binging to myself.

So, friends, I’ve laid it all out there. It’s so scary to be so forthcoming with things, but I really want to get better, and keeping it a deep dark secret isn’t working, so I’m figuring that I may as well try sharing and see if I get to a better spot.

I’m linking up with Peas and Crayons, thanks for hosting, Jenn.

Returning to Work

I write this post with a very heavy heart. I’ve been working from home since October 8th, which means that I’ve been home with Emmett and still able to get the work done that I’ve needed to do. As of the 23rd, I will be returning to work in the office and Emmett will be going to day care. I am heartbroken, not because I don’t like my job, it’s quite the opposite actually, but because for the past 3 months I have not been apart from Baby Doodah for more than three hours at a time and I don’t mind in the slightest.

I know there are probably quite a few people who would tell me that it’s time to cut ties a little, let him grow wings and fly, yadda yadda but I am happy with the way my family has developed and I’m sad that work is going to change the dynamic I’ve grown use to.

I’ve already been crying on and off about being away from him for so long, because of this and because of the advice of a good friend, my husband and I decided taking Emmett to day care on a day when I’m still at home would be best. This will give me the chance to cry in private and have the comfort and support of my husband. His first day will be this Friday so that means tomorrow, Thursday, is my last full day with him. Yes, I’ll have weekends but being apart from him most days will be so different and very difficult.

Maternity leave is such a tease! You get to spend an endless amount of time with your child but eventually it comes to an end and so very rapidly, then you’re back to work and you only get to see your little one after 5 pm. The nights will fly by too quickly and he’ll be in bed, asleep before I’ve even had a chance to breathe.

I love my job and the people I work with, so it certainly isn’t any anxiety that comes from doing my work, it’s purely being apart from my beautiful little boy. If only he could come and be my desk gnome. 😉

I realize I shouldn’t mope and complain and that I should be grateful that I have such an amazing family and a fantastic job but I promise you, if you’re ever in my situation, you will most likely have similar feelings, at least in the beginning.

I’m going to try to keep my chin up and a smile on my face but if you happen to bump into me online or in person on Friday or next week, please share a kind word or a comforting smile because I can almost guarantee I will need it.

Peek a Boo – I see you!

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