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Coping With Binge Eating Disorder – WIAW

Posted on August 13 by Jillian416 • 22 Comments

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It’s been awhile since I’ve done a What I Ate Wednesday post in it’s regular form, but it’s been especially long time since I’ve written about how I’m doing with Binge Eating Disorder.

Since it’s been so long, I thought it was a good time to revisit. I have lots to share!

I believe that B.E.D. is never something you truly get over. Just like any addiction it is with you forever, you just learn how to cope. Right now, I think I’m in the beginning stages of successfully coping with the disorder and overcoming all the struggles involved with binging.

A few months back, I was in a rough spot, both physically and mentally. I had hurt my back, could barely move, and my mood and feelings toward myself plummeted. I didn’t know how to fix the situation and did not want to go to physical therapy for my back (I had gone before and it made things worse), and for my mood, I knew all I need to do was exercise and eat better. So, I did the one thing that I always turn to in situations like this, I read.

I read everything I could get my hands on in regards to healing a bulging disc naturally without surgery or serious pain meds (I was definitely popping ibuprofen, though). I read books upon books and articles upon articles about B.E.D. I wanted to know everything I could know about the disease itself and I wanted to learn some coping methods that have helped others.

Months went by and my back slowly got better. I stretched like I needed to and should have been doing all along, and slowly the pain lessened. As for the B.E.D., there are three stand out things that have helped me become stronger and better able to say NO to a binge.

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The first, is my personal pep talks. Every time I start to crave junk, or am getting the urge to run to McDonald’s for a burger, I talk to myself. Not out loud (but that would be okay too), but to myself. I pause, doesn’t matter what is going on, I stop my thoughts from running towards food and I really think about what is going on with me. Most of the time it is boredom, or some unnecessary craving. Then, once I’ve realized why I am desiring something so bad for me, I tell myself that I don’t eat like that any more. I literally say that. I remind myself that the old me would run to McD’s and buy WAY too much food and eat it all, but that you no longer do that. And you know what? It works! The mind is a very powerful thing and works wonders when it is engaged.

The second, is writing down EVERYTHING that I put into my mouth. Every single bite, lick or taste, goes into my cute little green Moleskin (affliate link). I don’t track calories, I just eat 80% clean whole foods and 10% junk, but I ensure that everything I eat goes in that book. In addition to the food I’ve eaten, I also include the feelings I’m having, or anything else running through my head. It helps keep me focused.

I’m not perfect, there are days when only breakfast gets written down, or I forget about my snack, but I try darn hard to just carry it with me everywhere and to write everything down. It’s working because it is making me very conscious of the food choices I am making.

Finally, is Shakeology. I know I’ve mentioned this a few times, and I know people are still skeptical. I get it, I was too – but there has never been a food or drink before that has helped me curb cravings like Shakeology. So, I will sing its praises from the rooftops. Plus, it really tastes awesome and is like my own little super healthy daily dessert.

I’m not cured. I definitely still have binges and cravings still occur, but they’re smaller, weaker and I’ve set myself up with some great strategies to overcome them.

I am still reading loads and loads of articles and self-help books, because there is almost always more insight that can be gleaned from them. Something that might help me, or may help someone else I love and care about is worth spending the time to find.

If you’re interested in reading all of my binge eating disorder story, you can click here.

Your turn!

Have you ever heard of B.E.D. before?

If you struggle with Binge Eating Disorder, do you have any methods that keep you focused and away from binges?

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I’m linking up with Peas and Crayons! Thanks for hosting!

Filed Under: All About Me, Family, Food & Fitness, Food & Recipes

What Does Binge Eating Disorder Look Like?

Posted on April 30 by Jillian416 • 10 Comments

It’s What I Ate Wednesday, and it’s been awhile since I’ve checked in with all of you on how my Binge Eating Disorder has been. I thought I’d take today to do that.

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If you went by the pictures I took today, my eating would appear to be in check. Seamus made me a yummy egg sandwich on a GF muffin, and I had a banana. Sadly, I didn’t stop there – as soon as Seamus and Emmett left, I jumped to the fridge and ate two slices of pizza. They were delicious, and I regretted them the second I started eating them, but as usual, I felt out of control and didn’t know how to stop myself. I polished off the two pieces and continued my self-hatred until I got into the office, where I was quickly distracted by work.

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The distraction kept me occupied for a couple of hours, because I didn’t think about food until lunch time came around and I started smelling everyone’s delicious food (or not so delicious in the case of some frozen meals). Either way, the second I started smelling the food smells, all I could think about is food. A sub, to be exact, heavy on the onion and mayo. I got through a few more work things, and then I rushed out the door. I grabbed a turkey sub from Subway and headed home to sit on the couch and binge.

While I was sitting on the couch, I realized that I hadn’t gotten a picture of my food. Then, the thought popped into my head, “I wouldn’t want to have taken a picture. I don’t want anyone knowing what I am eating. I’ll just lie and say I had something healthy and that I forgot to grab a picture.” That was almost literally the thought that went through my head. And I almost did it, I almost lied to you, readers. But then, while I was bathing Emmett, I had a small epiphany… Maybe if I am honest and up-front with what I went through, it will help me overcome some binge eating issues, and it could possibly help someone else down the line, who may be struggling with the same thing.

When it came time to leave work, I had to fight a very strong urge to go to Starbucks and buy all the things. I managed, by a constant voice in my head saying, “Emmett’s in the car, Emmett’s in the car. You don’t want to be a bad role model for him.” I ended up with just a coffee, which is why I was going there anyway.

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Dinner was easy because I was home with Seamus. I rarely binge when he’s around because I don’t want him to see me doing it. He knows, I’ve shared my struggles with him, but I don’t want him to see it. He probably wouldn’t judge me, but I don’t want to even take the risk, so I eat a normal amount and keep the binging to myself.

So, friends, I’ve laid it all out there. It’s so scary to be so forthcoming with things, but I really want to get better, and keeping it a deep dark secret isn’t working, so I’m figuring that I may as well try sharing and see if I get to a better spot.

I’m linking up with Peas and Crayons, thanks for hosting, Jenn.

Filed Under: All About Me, Food & Recipes

Happy 300th Post to Baby Doodah!

Posted on March 12 by Jillian416 • 2 Comments

I’ve hit a huge milestone, this is my 300th post!

Readers! Can you believe it? We’ve made it 300 posts, I’m so so excited to be celebrating this. I’ve started blogs in the past but they quickly fizzled, but I have found a passion in writing this blog and love every single minute of my time spent here. I also want to thank all of my readers because, writing everyday is more fun, knowing I have a dedicated audience. So…THANKS!

In honor of this momentous occasion, I thought that I’d share some of my favorites from the last 100 posts and also share some of your favorites!

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Happy 300th Post Baby Doodah!

I think I’ll start with the most popular posts because many of those were my favorite too.

First up, the most important to me has been my admission to suffering with Binge Eating Disorder. Since coming clean on the blog, I have become more conscious of choices I make with food. I’m in no way “cured” but I am working slowly but surely, to that point.

You can read the posts that I’ve published so far, by clicking here, but start with this one, it’s my original post.

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Another recent favorite of mine, and of my readers has been my series on Moving with a Toddler. Just a brief description – We found out that our landlord was selling the house we’re living in, and that we’d need to be out by the end of April. We immediately started looking for a place to live, which spurred me to write about moving with Emmett. Moving as an adult is tough, so adding a toddler into the mix is very different and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. I came up with some great tips, though.

You can read my moving with a toddler post, here and my packing with a toddler post, here. There are more to come, as our move continues!

Preparing Your Toddler for a Move

I’m always a sucker for my Dear Emmett posts. If you haven’t read one before, typically I write them monthly, and they’re a letter to Emmett, sharing everything that he did over the past month. Any developments or changes that he’s made, things like that. I love looking back on them already, I can’t imagine what it will be like when he’s 18 and going to college.

Dear Emmett – 15 months, {16, 17 and 18 months}, 19 months

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Another fun post was my list of Valentine’s Activities for Toddlers.

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 I was pretty excited to roll out my new format for my link-up, My Finds Friday! Lasts week’s is still open if you’d like to link-up.

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And finally…

My absolute favorite most recent post would have to be, this one. The video still makes me laugh and smile!

Your turn!

I’d love to hear what some of your favorite posts have been from my blog! Share in the comments below! 

If you’d like to read my post celebrating 200 posts, check it out here.

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Filed Under: All About Me, Family, Food & Recipes

What I Ate Wednesday – Binge Eating Disorder

Posted on February 20 by Jillian416 • 7 Comments

Coping with Binge Eating Disorder

Wiki describes binge eating disorder as an eating disorder characterized by binge eating without subsequent purging episodes.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve spent time writing about my struggles with Binge Eating Disorder. You can read about my admission to the disorder here, some of the details of what I deal with on a daily basis here, what some of my “hidden talents” are here, and finally why I decided to come clean on my blog here.

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Today I want to talk about the loneliness that comes with having Binge Eating Disorder.

Until very recently, no one knew my secrets. I’m sure that Seamus may have surmised that I was eating poorly, and way too much, but I never actually told him. It isn’t that I didn’t feel safe, or that he’d judge me, but simply that I was embarrassed. No one had known for so long, that someone knowing might ruin me. That I would no longer be able to look him in the eye, for fear that all he’d be picturing is me with an over-abundance of food.

In June I decided to come clean. I had been doing a lot of research on the topic and ways to correct it, and one of the biggest rules of thumb is to be honest with those in your life, so that you can feel free. So, I did it. The first time I broached the subject with him, I mentioned it and that I thought I was dealing with it, but never mentioned the amounts or types of foods that I ate. I wasn’t ready for that yet, because telling someone that, was letting someone into my deepest and darkest secret.

As time progressed, and Seamus and I discussed what was going on with me, I felt more comfortable admitting to what I had been eating. I don’t think Seamus ever judged me, but he was shocked, and it showed. I was so disgusted with myself. I immediately ended the conversation from going any further and changed the subject. I wanted to come clean, but I did not want to have to deal with the sadness and disgust that was bubbling up (if I’m being honest, I’m still not dealing with that).

Weeks passed, and I brought it up again because I NEED his support in order to overcome this. I need someone who knows the deepest places of me, and loves me despite them. When we talk about it now he is understanding and comforting and tries to offer words of encouragement, or ideas for overcoming it, but in true addict fashion, I’ve told him I got it handled. Well, I don’t. I continue to eat poorly (this is an understatement), sure I’ll have a few great days and eat super healthy, but as days pass my resolve falters and I’m right back eating the same crap I was before. Only now I’m ashamed (again) to tell Seamus because I am doing exactly what I said I had handled.

It is a very lonely place, where I am at right now. I have people around me who love me, but I still feel all alone and it hurts. It’s by no fault of their own, they show their support and tell me they love me, but it doesn’t change the inner turmoil that goes on in my head.

Readers, I know some of this is getting super personal, but I hope that you’ll continue with me on my journey. I appreciate all of the support you’ve shown and continue to show. It means a whole lot to me!

I’m linking up with Peas and Crayons, be sure to stop on over and visit!

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Filed Under: All About Me

What I Ate Wednesday – Binge Eating Disorder

Posted on January 22 by Jillian416 • 0 Comments

Wiki describes binge eating disorder as an eating disorder characterized by binge eating without subsequent purging episodes.

Hidden “Talents”

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When you have binge eating disorder, anything can cause a binge. Some individuals are triggered by stress, some happiness, others everything. I fall into that everything category.

I get a new job, I binge.

I get into an argument with Seamus, I binge.

I forgot my lunch, I binge.

For me, there is no rhyme or reason to what might trigger a binge, it happens so frequently, that I could probably say living life can cause a binge. I wish it were a simple point in my life that caused me to fly off the rails, because I would simply work to cut that out, but it is literally anything…good or bad.

Since so much of my life consists of food, what I’m going to eat and when I’m going to eat it, I have maximized my ability to hide what I’ve eaten. I’m not bragging. I wish this weren’t the case, but I have come up with every scenario you can think of to ensure that as few people know about my food choices as possible (that is until now).

When Seamus and I first started dating he didn’t know I dealt with this, heck he didn’t know how severe this was until over just last year. Every once in awhile he’d find receipts that I had forgotten to hide or throw out, and he’d comment on what was purchased. I’d always pass it off as a one time thing, or that I only did that for special occasions. Never EVER admitting what was really happening, until one day I just needed to come clean with how bad things really were. Whether it bothers Seamus or not, I have no idea. He is nothing but supportive, and there has never been a time that I’ve felt judgement. For this I am thankful, I don’t think I could have come clean here, or even to him without that constant support.

I mentioned earlier that I am an expert at hiding what I’ve eaten, and the subsequent trash. Trust me, none of my examples are rocket science, but it has kept so many people in my life in the dark until my admission on Baby Doodah! Here’s an example: I’m on my way home, I just left work and am feeling like a coffee. I’ll swing through Tim Horton’s, and order any number of things, along with my coffee. I’ll eat everything I ordered and then either hide the trash below the driver’s seat in my car, or I’ll put it in my work bag and throw it out once I arrive at work the next morning. I get home with just my coffee, and no one is the wiser.

I am not proud, it’s actually the opposite, I am ashamed. It has taken me awhile to write out this post because I wasn’t sure how deep into the details I wanted to get, but since I’ve put so much out there already, I figured why stop now. I want to share who I truly am, in hopes that it will help someone else who is struggling with binge eating disorder, as I am.

In case you’ve missed them, here are my other two posts on the binge eating disorder struggle. My Admission and Coming Clean on the Amounts of Food that I Eat.

Your turn!

If you have struggled or are currently struggling with Binge Eating Disorder, I would love to hear from you either in the comments below, or feel free to email me. My address is in the Contact Me! section of the blog.

Be sure to stop over and visit Jen at Peas and Crayons!


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Filed Under: All About Me

What I Ate Wednesday – Binge Eating Disorder

Posted on January 15 by Jillian416 • 5 Comments

Binge Eating Disorder is an eating disorder characterized by binge eating without subsequent purging episodes.

Last week, I came clean on my blog that I have Binge Eating Disorder (or BED). I’d like to take some additional time today and share more about what BED is, and what I go through on a daily basis.

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A lot of people binge, or have binges, where they’ll grab a ton of cookies or a lot of fast food, but for them this isn’t a regular occurrence, nor do they try to hide it. I’m not downplaying these binges, they still suck and make you feel awful, but it isn’t something that most “normal” people need to mentally wrestle with on a daily basis. For me, the fight on whether or not to go through a drive-thru, is literally one of the biggest struggles of my day. I’ll be honest, I absolutely woke up this morning thinking I could go through on my way to work, and get WAY too much food and then consume it all before walking into door.

(For the sake of this post, a person who does not typically binge, will be considered normal)

If a normal person is going through drive-thru, they can order one meal (this includes the sandwich, fries and drink). Most will feel content while eating this and know that it is enough food for their meal. When I go through drive-thru, I suddenly become terrified that this could be my last meal. A typical order of mine might include, an entire meal (sandwich, fries and drink), but then I think if I drive away with just that, I worry I won’t be full or satiated so I’ll order an additional couple of double cheeseburgers and some nuggets, with way too much sauce, because god forbid I not have enough sauce to cover an entire nugget whole. Still, I worry that I didn’t order enough.

As they hand me my food, I snatch it and place it on the seat beside me or the floor. I don’t want the drive-thru attendant to think that the food is mine. As soon as I’m away from the window, I open the bag and dig in. Most of the time I’ll eat while I drive, but on occasion I’ll find a very remote parking spot, and park myself there. If someone comes and parks near me, where they can see me stuffing food into my mouth, I get angry. I’m mad because this person is seeing something I work so hard to keep secret, even if they don’t know me, or will never see me again.

To me, my car is my safe haven when it comes to my binges. When I am alone in there, I feel as though nothing and no one can judge me. I can eat till my heart’s content and there’s no one there to tell me to stop or that I’m literally killing myself slowly.

That is, until now.

Now I have Emmett, and he’s in the car with me a lot AND he’s becoming more and more aware of what is going on around him. I do not want to teach him that binging in the car (or anywhere) is okay or healthy to do. That is why I started this series of posts, I want to be healthier for my son and husband. I want to live a very long life with them, and it can’t change unless I put in the work.

Thank you to Jenn of Peas and Crayons for hosting another wonderful week of What I Ate Wednesday.

Your turn!

Do you suffer from Binge Eating Disorder?

If you do, where’s your safe haven? I would love to hear from you in the comments below.

Filed Under: All About Me

What I Ate Wednesday – Binge Eating Disorder

Posted on January 8 by Jillian416 • 10 Comments

Binge Eating Disorder is an eating disorder characterized by binge eating without subsequent purging episodes.

Hi all, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve participated in What I Ate Wednesday, but finally getting back to it. This week’s post is a bit different than previous week’s because I want to come clean in an effort to get my eating in check.

I want to be successful with my resolutions this year, in order to do that I need to grow as a person. One area where I truly suffer is my eating, I have binge eating disorder (or BED). Many of you may have never heard of BED, neither had I until I discovered Kristin Gerstley’s blog End Binge Eating Now.

binge-eating-disorderI’ve always known that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, that I prefer to eat alone because then I can eat an unheard of amount of food without anyone knowing (or judging), but I was unaware that it had a name. I randomly came across the term Binge Eating Disorder while on Instagram. An individual that I follow has overcome the disease, she was sharing a photo and a story from her journey, and it hit me, her story was describing what I deal with on a near daily basis. As I googled it, and read through Kristin’s blog reality slapped me hard in the face. Now, the question is how do I overcome Binge Eating Disorder?

This isn’t something new, I’ve dealt with this for a large majority of my adult life, but I’ve reached my breaking point. The thing is that I don’t just want to cope with BED, but actually overcome it. BED is like many other addictions, the only difference is that I can’t cut food completely out of my life, I can’t just stop eating. Instead I need to wrangle it in, and I have no idea how to do that, this is where the research begins.

I’m tired of dealing with this on my own, there are many online support groups, classes and blogs that have helped thousands overcome BED, allowing them to live a happy and full life. I want to be one of those people, and my journey starts here, today. I’m sharing this with you, readers, because I would love if you’d be willing to help hold me accountable.

Thanks to Jenn for hosting! Please be sure that you stop over and visit all of the wonderful What I Ate Wednesdays.

Your turn!

What’dyah say? Are you willing to be my cheerleaders, and help me on this journey?

Do you suffer from binges? If so, how did you overcome them?

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Filed Under: All About Me
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