We took Emmett to his very first day of day care yesterday, I had been dreading this day for about two weeks but knew it was necessary. Seamus and I had decided ahead of time that we would have him start day care prior to my returning to the office so that I could adjust to being away from him in private. I knew I would cry (bawl) and I didn’t want people to constantly ask me if I was okay because when they do that, it causes me to just break down and cry more.
The morning went pretty smoothly, Seamus and I woke up at 6:30 and got in the shower, while I got everything ready for Emmett. I made his bottles, got his clothes ready and made sure we had everything all lined up to go. He woke up around 7 so I fed him and by then Seamus was out of the shower so he got him dressed while I then went and showered and got ready. Up until this point, I had been so busy running around that I hadn’t really had time to think about what we were going to be doing…then I got in the car.
My mind started going all over the place, thinking about these strangers playing with him, changing his diaper, seeing him smile and my heart started to break. I held it together for the ride out there because I didn’t want to walk in with my face beat red from crying.
When we got to his classroom, we met his teacher and got some of the ins and outs and while standing there I had to label everything quickly because I hadn’t been given a parent handbook ahead of time so I wasn’t aware that everything needed to have Emmett’s name on it. While I was doing that, the teacher came over and read over his sheet that explained Emmett’s likes and dislikes, his schedule and other necessary information and asked us questions that she needed to know in order to provide him the best care. Eventually she took Emmett from me and THAT’S when I lost it.
There are 4 babies in his room to 1 teacher, so I started worrying he wasn’t going to get the attention he needed, when he needed it or that he’d just lay there and cry instead of being hugged when he was sad. I knelt down to say good-bye and I bawled and bawled and bawled. I rushed out of there so I could be in the privacy of the car, while Seamus asked the teacher a few more things. We wanted to be sure that they did not share anything in regards to Emmett having his firsts there (ie: rolling over, crawling, walking, etc) with us, so he wanted to be sure he told her and then he also needed to talk to the director. I was busy trying to calm down in the car.
Once he got in and we headed home, I started to breathe and feel a little better. By the time we reached home, I was still sad and missing my boy but I was coherent enough to realize that we’d be returning to get him soon enough. The day actually flew by and other than missing him, I was okay. I didn’t cry again and was in a pretty great mood for the rest of the day.
Finally we went to pick him up, just seeing him was like someone hugging my heart. I felt completely happy and full again! I love that little guy!
What first day of day care/school emotions did you feel?